Today, I am 51 years old, and I am not super smart, definitely not wealthy, and am not an expert on anything. However, I have lived in this country in different states, different areas of different states, and have seen a lot more than most who remain in their own microcosm of what living their life in these United States looks like.
So, I decided it was past time to share some things that I have learned along the way.....
First of all, and possibly the most important, shaming another human being hurts all of us. It hurts the person being shamed, it hurts the person doing the shaming, and it hurts all of us who didn't even see it happen, because the damage is a ripple that is much like a stone dropped into a pond, the ripples extend far and wide. So if you see another human being and think that you can "change" them with shaming words, please pause. For the good of all of us, take a moment and ask yourself, would you want someone to talk to you that way. And most importantly, if you are saying these things to yourself, ask your community to help you learn how to stop. If you need a community, ask, we can help you build one.
I have also learned that our microcosms are different. I grew up in a world where guns were normal, and used for finding food, or for collecting. They were to be cared for properly and were not toys but tools, just like a hoe was used in getting weeds out of the garden. I grew up where dogs and cats, while they could be loved as pets, also served a purpose. Quite often the dogs were for helping herd the animals where they needed to go, and cats were to keep the mice and rodents out of the barn. In my microcosm, milking cows and drinking the milk was normal. We ate cracked wheat for cereal, and ate loads of vegetables that came from our garden or our grandma's.
There are people out there clammoring for humans to stop using wool, and animal fibers, and to "go vegan." However, I cannot understand why these folks want to force the extinction of the domesticated and wild animals. Why? What did the sheep, goats, alpaca, llamas and yak do to you that you think that wearing plastic is better for the environment and better for these animals? And since when is getting a hair cut for a domesticated animal wrong? Before you attack something you know nothing about, go to a ranch, see how much work and love goes into these animals before you attack them for keeping breeds of animals going. Before you attack a hand spinner or hand knitter or even a person wearing those products, learn where they come from. And then, you might just thank them for all they do to keep these animals thriving in a world bent on erasing them.
Now from that microcosm, I left and joined the military. I landed in the middle of the south. And I met and found friends who grew up very differently. I have seen how horrible they are treated every day. They are not trusted by most, not because they earned the distrust, but because of how they look. Just today, one of the managers who has never "checked in" on the agents, she came by regularly to see if a friend was at her desk working. As if she was on a call, but not at her desk. Another friend and I were outside last week on a break and an officer checked to make sure she wasn't bothering me. Really? I cannot imagine growing up in a world where you KNOW you will be stopped by an officer because of how you look. I cannot imagine having to tell my child, "When you get stopped by the police, do whatever they ask...." So while all these folks who grew up like I did are whining about "Black Lives Matter", those of us who have witnessed this microcosm get it. We know our world needs to change. We know that our world is in need of healing and change. Where someone can live life without fear of being harmed, just because they look a certain way.
Now on that same topic....
I had a dear friend over 30 years ago, who lived in fear of people finding out that he lived with another man and had for 30 years. Why? Because at that time, he could go to prison, he would have lost his job, and so would his partner. He did not live to see the change brought about by Ellen DeGeneres (she is one of my heroes for her courage and for her love of humanity). I didn't understand back then, and I don't understand now, why people are angry about two people loving each other. I will spend the rest of my life fighting to ensure every human is given the right to love and to live a loving life free of harm for being themselves. So, if you are one of those people who "find it a sin" or "think it is wrong".... ask yourselves this one question -- where in Christ's teachings did it tell you to judge another, and when did he tell you to hate love?
And on the subject of love....
The hardest person to show love to is ME. But I finally figured out, I have to do things to find joy in each day. If I don't refill my own heart and soul, I become empty and that hole fills up with doubt, despair, self-loathing, and soon, suicide seems the only way out. So... for me, the most important thing each day is to do something loving to myself - knit a little, read a book, take a walk, talk to a grandchild, spend time with my community, build new communities when relationships change - because we all change and grow in different directions.
My last observation is super important, and I am hopeful both sides of the fence on this subject listen up. There are people saying that "if all women would vote, abortion laws would change". I also hear, "stop letting men decide our fate." However these voices come from their own microcosm. So for those who choose to let their men determine how to think, what to wear, how to live, I do not judge you. However, I do ask you, "How would you feel if the other women who are angry about the abortion laws fought to make it illegal for a man to make decisions in your home??" To those who feel that men are responsible for these laws.... it required women and men to vote them in. You cannot reach across the aisles and find common ground by attacking those who are different from you. Instead, honor their choices, and ask that they honor yours. This goes for any debate happening in our world today. We need to pause, honor the other persons right to make their choices and ask for the same honor back.
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